Now that we’ve gotten most of the preliminaries out of the way, it’s now time to start addressing activism. So let’s start at the very beginning. This post will address the fundamental, basic technique upon which all animal protection work rests. Please move your chairs a bit closer, and listen carefully while I pass on this crucial bit of knowledge. Ready?

Dental floss. You’ve got to floss at least twice a day.

Now I know you’re probably thinking I’m mad to say that dental floss is the foundation of all animal protection work. But have you already forgotten Maria Ramos?

The key to all animal rights activism is to make sure your own personal needs are met before you begin devoting your time to others. There’s no need for martyrs in this movement. And when it comes to taking care of your personal needs, this task, insanely enough, starts with low-tech dental floss.

Most people still don’t get how crucial this stuff is to your overall health. Dentistry isn’t exactly a haven for great comedy, but here is the best dental joke of all time:

The nice thing about dental floss is you only need to floss the teeth you want to keep.

Here’s what happens if you don’t floss daily. Gradually pockets of plaque start building up beneath your gum line, and over time your gums develop these pockets where they no longer cling to your teeth. You can’t feel this happening but one day you’ll go to the dentist and the hygienist’s voice will suddenly take a tone of concern. She’ll call in the dentist and start sticking this little needle tool under each tooth, announcing out loud how many millimeters it penetrates, while the dentist writes down each number. She’ll read off two numbers for each tooth in your mouth; the higher the number the more fucked you are for that particular tooth.

This ultimately happens to everyone who doesn’t floss. And at that point, you may be too screwed to avoid gum surgery, even if you suddenly get religious about flossing.

If that’s not enough reason to floss, consider the fact that the bacterial load that exists between the teeth of people who don’t floss ends up stressing the body’s immune system in a bunch of ways, and can lead to all sorts of unexpected and serious health consequences including cardiovascular problems. I wish I was making this up.

Anyway, shit, do you think I want to spend my time writing about dental floss? Do you think I’m not acutely aware that devoting a lengthy blog entry to this subject so early on in a blog about activism creates the impression that I must be emotionally unhinged?

So let me end here with my recommendations. Glide Dental Floss is the best there is. The stuff is a rip-off when sold at stores, but Costco sells six-packs for just $13. Top-quality dental floss and plenty of it is one of my rare extravagances —- I not only use the best, but I always reel out several more inches than I really need, because nothing’s more irritating than not having quite enough floss to wrap around your fingers.

And, if you can afford it, definitely pick up a Sonicare Power Toothbrush. They do a vastly better job of removing plaque at the gum line than any standard toothbrush can do. I use mine at least twice a day, along with flossing, and it makes all the difference in the world.